just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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