I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize