Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
