1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
