Please, let me fuck your mom
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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