yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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