omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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