You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
