But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
