Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
