Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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