I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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