I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
