i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
