If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
