You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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