..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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