The best revenge is premature balding
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
