Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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