Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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