he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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