and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
