they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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