I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
