fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm really busy with my period
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