Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We have started to decorate penises.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
