Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
