the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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