I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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