i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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