I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And then he peed in my hair
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