New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
FUCK WHALES
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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