Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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