i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
