I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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