Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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