We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
