Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
