There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
