you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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