Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
