2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
