mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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