More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
