I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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