don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
