why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There r osticjed everywhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
