It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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