If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
