i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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