I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
