I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
