I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
