I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
