so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
