We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
