ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
