Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
