If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
