I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
