Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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