Sry I called you an 8
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
