I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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