you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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