my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
