It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
