Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
