Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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