I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize