so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
