he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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