She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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