he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
